When you always want your own way

By Dr. Andy and Renie Bowman
Coffeetimecolumn.com
andybowman839@gmail.com

You want your way. And that is normal. But getting others to want to do what you are asking? Sometimes that’s just not very easy. Forcing them usually doesn’t make you a winner. In their eyes or in your own. A normal person will usually admit they don’t enjoy having to use bad tactics to win. They just can’t figure out another technique. And they are right; there are other means to get your way.

For example, you may be bigger and stronger than a child in your care and can physically force them to comply, but that is just old-fashioned bullying to get your way. You are the adult, and you need to find a smarter method to be teaching and disciplining them. How? Just keep in mind, those little guys have their own personalities and their individual point of view, which means that invariably there will be a wrong way to handle them. (Think hook and GONGGG!!)

A little fellow with a belligerent streak won't take kindly to bullying from you. But at the same time, that Aggressive Al can sense a coward a quarter mile away. So hold your ground, but at the same time don't destroy his independent spirit while you do. Give him a choice from several choices that are all acceptable to you. Rather than just telling him what he has to do, which can set off a stubborn set to his little chin and a “you can’t make me” glint in his eye. Cooperation goes a long way with this kind of kid.

Or, how about being the boss of your own company, and using that lofty position to demand your employees do things your way... and only your way? Usually, those tactics gain you the disdainful title of micromanager. Invariably resulting in very little creativity and energy from your employees. And those results end up in a gradually building burning resentment of you - if not outright rebellion. And possible sabotage of your position.

Be smart. Learn how to command respect by respecting them. Take the easier way to getting what you are wanting.

When an employee makes it clear they are disagreeing with you – and they will – do yourself a favor. Take the time to learn the "why" they are resisting you. Then work from that. 

Either realize they do have a good point and learn from it, or clearly and kindly communicate why you will not agree and won’t allow their idea to be utilized. But either way, thank them for their creativity and that your door is always open to them. Either way you go, accepting their point, or explaining to them why you won't...it's called good communication.

I had a teacher in my past whose favorite saying was this: “We can do this the hard way or the easy way, but either way, it’s gonna be my way.” Effective? 

I won’t try to interpret it for you, but I certainly remember that woman all these years later.