Why did the turtle cross the road?

By Christine Tailer
HCP columnist 

Perhaps the question should not have been about chickens, but rather an inquiry as to why the turtle crossed the road. We all know that the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, but how often does one actually encounter a chicken crossing? 

Those of us who live in the country are certainly more likely to find the occasional chicken passing from one side of the road to the other. Greg and I live down a one-lane, dead end, very rural road, and we often come upon by our neighbor’s chickens crossing as they head down to the creek. I really doubt, however, that chicken crossings are common sightings to more urban folks. Sure, I do know of a few chickens who live in the suburbs, and even in the city, but suburban and urban turtles are are far more common than suburban and urban chickens. Somehow, large colonies of these citified turtles have learned to survive and even thrive in city parks and cemeteries.

On a recent outing to the farm supply store, Greg and I met not a single chicken, but came upon at least five turtles crossing the road the road ahead of us. This certainly seems to be that turtle crossing time of year. On our second turtle sighting, there was a tractor trailer right behind us, so we drove on past and turned around to go back and assist the turtle. The turtle, however was nowhere to be seen. Thankfully, our assistance had not been needed. It apparently takes a turtle about 10 minutes to get from one side of a two-lane highway to the other, and it had taken us this long to turn and retrace our path.

Another turtle we met was already being aided by a fellow turtle escort, who had been able to safely pull his car off to the side of the road and lend assistance. We were able to stop to help another turtle, and the two other turtles we met seemed well on their way into the berm and heading safely away from the road.  

Whenever we do stop to help a turtle, we abide by two critical assistance rules. First, we only stop if it is safe for us to do so, and second, we always take the turtle to side of the road in which it was headed. Turtles are stubborn creatures, and if turned around, they will simply head back on their intended course.  

All five of the road crossing turtles that Greg and I met on farm supply outing, were actually tortoises. They were obviously land dwellers with high domed shells. Turtles, on the other hand, are water dwellers, and because of this, they have flatter, more streamlined shells, better suited for swimming. Regardless, if turtle or tortoise, this is the time of year when both creatures are on the move, and crossing roads, but why, I wondered, do these slow-moving reptiles stubbornly risk life and limb to get across to the other side? When I asked my chickens, they simply chortled, implying that I should figure it out myself.

For the sake of simplicity, I will refer to both turtles and tortoises as turtles, with my apologies to the tortoise. It seems that most folks have adopted this simplified terminology. Well, it appears that turtles are quite territorial, and actually live their entire lives within a one square mile realm. 

Whenever I find a turtle down by the creek, I stop to pass the time. I might pick it up, if it is on land, and is not a snapper, and is not laying eggs, but I know to always return it to where I found it. If removed from their home turf, a turtle will become deeply depressed, and often stop eating, and if let go, it will relentlessly try to return home, often dying along the way.

So, if my chickens would not tell me what might cause a turtle to cross the road, perhaps I could figure it out on my own. Well, it seems that what might have been the perfect hibernation spot for an overwintering turtle, might not provide the best turtle cuisine, and when turtles come out of hibernation, they are exceedingly hungry, and immediately head off in search of food. Turtles actually have astounding memories. What is true for elephants, is also true for turtles. They never forget. It really makes sense. If one has minimal locomotion skills, it is best to head straight to a food source, and not fritter around in search of a new dining experience. Thus, a springtime turtle crossing is likely a newly awakened turtle heading off to breakfast.

Spring is also the time when male turtles are in the search of that amorous connection, and then, having connected, the expecting females will eventually be on the search for the perfect spot in which to lay their eggs.

Amazingly, and all of this movement for breakfast and true love, has been going on for the last 230 million years. Mankind has only been building toads for the past 6,000 years or so. This then, leads me to the answer that the chickens would not tell. It makes perfect sense that the turtle crossed the road, simply because someone put that road smack dab in the middle of its path. 

Surely, the very least that we can do is safely stop, and help the turtle on its intended way, with a smile.

Christine Tailer is an attorney and former city dweller who moved several years ago, with her husband, Greg, to an off-grid farm in Ohio south-central Ohio. Visit them on the web at straightcreekvalleyfarm.com.

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