Everybody is talking at me

By Jim Thompson
HCP columnist

One of the privileges of the "good old days" was that one did not leave home often, so one did not have to spend time having their freedom encroached by others who thought they knew better than yours truly.

Today, one follows trucks on the highway that tell you they are going to make a wide right turn and you better not get in their way. 

My favorite hotel change (which may lose that status) confronts me with an admonishment to recycle, once they have me in their elevators and the door slides closed with this big graphic on it. 

The same hotel chain makes me take action if I want to have clean towels every day (throw them on the floor). Lately, they have taken to telling me on their soap wrapper that I should wash my hands more often.

Of course, for whatever irritation the hotels provide, airports are 10 times worse. 

From the baggage check people (if this becomes any more self-service, I'll be climbing in the hold of the plane and stowing my own bag) to TSA, where a cross-eyed stare will get you a night in jail, to stowing your carryon luggage on the plane. The carryon luggage issue drives me crazy – I always check a bag, hence the ability to store my one bag overhead and not under my feet should, I think, be my privilege, not some pointy-headed flight attendant's. 

I received more respect in kindergarten and was talked to in a more adult like manner there than on any airplane in America today.

I can't decide which came first, the government telling me what to do or the services I hire doing it. In either case, I am doing the paying, so you might think these people would show a little respect to their customers.

The wanton use of my time, that is the stealing of my time, by businesses is even worse. If you ever call a business and they make you jump through digital do-loops to reach the department you want, it is because they have chosen to steal your time rather than provide the staff to treat you like a human being whose business they value. 

It is the same with "on hold" music. 

I am not interested in "on hold" music for my business for that says I plan on showing a great deal of disrespect to my customers. Which, I guess, is no worse than when I walk into a business, start a conversation with a sales person, and they interrupt our conversation to answer the phone. Uh, hello, who actually spent some time and effort coming to your place of business – the person on the phone or me? 

And you wonder why I much prefer to buy everything on the Internet? 

Your insults are not creating a warm fuzzy feeling driving me to rush into your bricks-and-mortar store.

But, since I spend more than 100 nights a year in hotels, we'll wrap up with them. My idea of the perfect hotel would be one where I drive up, there is someone waiting to greet me, and they have one room, the one for me. 

Lobbies, elevators and so forth exist to pack lots of people in a tiny space. On the whole, they make it cheaper for the individual traveler, but at the same time, cause inconvenience. 

This is why on the preference line for my favorite chain, it says "Lobby level – away from the elevator." That is not always honored, but most of the time it is.

And by the way, there is one "hotel" that is nearly perfect. It meets all my requirements. I am treated like a king. 

It is on North High Street in Hillsboro, Ohio, just a few doors north of Collins Avenue. The proprietor even lets me sleep in the master suite and sometimes greets me outside when I arrive. There are no signs on the soap, towels or, indeed anything else. 

It brings a smile to my face just to think of it.

As soon as the weather breaks, I think I'll head there, even if I can't think of a reason.

Jim Thompson, formerly of Marshall, is a graduate of Hillsboro High School and the University of Cincinnati. He resides in Duluth, Ga., following decades of wandering the world, and is a columnist for The Highland County Press.