Gallagher or Sinbad for mayor?
By
Rory Ryan-hcpress@cinci.rr.com
Gallagher or Sinbad for mayor?
Gallagher is performing today, Saturday, Jan. 29, at the Flying Monkey in Plymouth, N.H. Otherwise, he’d most likely be a candidate for mayor of Hillsboro and be able to meet his obligatory filing deadline next week.
But on this day, there are watermelons to smash. (Smashing Pumpkins is an altogether different form of entertainment, I’m told.)
Way back in the 1980s, I paid Cash Money and sat with my date on plastic-covered seats at Cincinnati’s Music Hall to watch Gallagher take out his trademark Sledge-O-Matic – a long-handled wooden mallet – and bust watermelon seeds and juices into the audience members who were dumb enough to sit in the first seven rows of floor seats.
The only thing was, those people – who were covered in the not-so-sensual fragrance similar to Palmolive’s Juicy Melon Softsoap – seemed to be enjoying themselves. Go figure.
This leads one to believe that if Gallagher took his road show to Hillsboro and entered city politics, he’d be equally successful in bringing laughter and nonsense to the local cause.
I can almost envision the campaign, now: “Vote for the King of the Flying Monkey and Suspender-Wearing Worldy Whacker of Watermelons…GALLAGHER!
All hail GALLAGHER!
Once elected, his first meeting might even rival some of the city’s more humorous moments.
For instance, can’t you imagine the first public controversy over, say, a sign ordinance and fee proposal for those locally owned businesses still standing?
Council: “We need a new sign ordinance and a new fee for local business to pay.”
Mayor Gallagher: “Where’s my trademark Sledge-O-Matic long-handled wooden mallet?”
WHAM! (Small pieces of the smashed sign ordinance slowly cover council chambers. Here’s your sign.)
Mayor Gallagher: “Next order of business?”
Council: “Well, uh, about these surprise fire inspections…”
Mayor Gallagher: “Where’s my trademark Sledge-O-Matic long-handled wooden mallet?”
WHAM! (Small pieces of the smashed fire inspection ordinance slowly cover council chambers.)
Mayor Gallagher: “Next order of business?”
Council: “You know, Mr. Mayor, we really can’t make anymore budget cuts. Let’s face it, in 2010 more than half of our full-time employees were only paid $50,000 or more, while the rest of the county was near the top of the state in unemployment and the local household incomes were averaging about 30 grand a year.”
Mayor Gallagher: “Where’s my trademark Sledge-O-Matic long-handled wooden mallet?”
WHAM! (Small pieces of the budget slowly cover council chambers.)
Mayor Gallagher: “Next order of business?”
Of course, maybe Gallagher isn’t the best man – or the funniest – for the task. Besides, he’s apparently got a paying gig at the Flying Monkey in Plymouth, N.H. How cool is that?
Maybe the City of Hills should contact some other potential candidate with the wherewithal and good humor up to the challenge.
Maybe Sinbad could rescue the town and put a few coins in our pockets, too. (Jingle All the Way.)
If Andrew Dice Clay is still alive, maybe he could roll 7 the hard way for us without crapping out.
Didn’t Drew Carey lose his show? How busy could he or Pauly Shore be?
What about Dennis Miller? His tenure on Monday Night Football was shorter than Frank Caliendo. Then there’s Al Franken. He can’t be doing anything worthwhile these days. (Isn’t he in Congress, though?) Enough said.
If we can’t get them, Tim Allen and Bob Saget might make for a great mayor/safety service director tandem, now that their respective sitcom kids
are almost 50.
Then again, I’m probably so far off first base with my thinking that a comedian might really come in handy for city government that I may as well just steal second.
Last June, I had suggested in this column that a local comedian had some interest in the mayor’s office. But that column was rebutted a week later by the comedian who said then that he wasn’t interested in the job. But that was then. This week, the comedian began circulating his petition for signatures of registered Republicans living in the city of Hillsboro. You can’t make this stuff up. (And it’s good to know he’s still got a sense of humor, despite his entrance into the political fray.)
But let’s face it, what we really need to bring Hillsboro back to its glory days of 1976 or 1985 or, never mind, is a candidate who can Git ’er Done.
Doggone it, I’m just gonna say it: We don’t need Gallagher or Sinbad, we need Larry the Cable Guy.
* * *
OK. Enough, already. We’ve had our sarcasm fill for the day.
Seriously, not only will Hillsboro’s next mayor need a good sense of humor and humility (not unlike a newspaper publisher), he or she also will need to have a vested interest in the end result of his or her governmental actions.
In other words, Hillsboro’s next mayor ought to be directly impacted by public decisions as they relate to the private sector. Perhaps then – and only then – will the city have a mayor who fully understands the long-term impact of administrative actions on the private-sector business community.
With the partisan filing deadline for the 2011 mayor’s race only a few days away, local voters have three GOP candidates – Terry Mikkelsen, Drew Hastings and Rod Daniels – who have circulated petitions for the office.
The incumbent, Mayor Richard Zink, has stated he will not seek a third term.
Mayor Zink has given much to the city of his time and energy, probably more than many of us will ever know. While we have had a disagreement or two over the years, there’s no doubt that the mayor has acted in a manner he believes best for the city. And I respect him for that.
There’s been no lack of effort on his part, that’s for certain. But after eight years – four of which included one of the worst recessions in Ohio history – he’s earned the privilege of stepping away from the office.
In addition to the two GOP candidates, there’s a strong possibility that either a current or former Democratic member of city council will file for the mayor’s race.
One such possibility is former council member and retired bank executive John Levo. As of this writing on Wednesday morning, John has neither confirmed nor denied his possible candidacy.
He has, however, served the city well on council and would be an honorable and straightforward city administrator.
There’s also a possibility that current council members Peter Pence or Bonnie Parr may enter the campaign. We’ll see.
Voters will likely be seeing the candidates and reading about their respective plans for the city in the days and weeks leading up to the May 3 primary. Listen closely. Ask questions. Make an informed decision on who’s best prepared to lead the city for the next four years. And you might thank all of them for having the courage to run.
* * *
• In a story this week by Timothy Magaw, writing for www.crainscleveland.com, comes news that some colleges are “set to wield scalpels” on their respective budgets.
“Cuyahoga Community College, the state’s oldest and largest community college, has taken steps to curb its personnel costs, which make up 80 percent of the college’s operating budget,” the report said.
Moreover, Ohio Rep. Kathleen Clyde, a Democrat whose district includes Kent State University, told Magaw that “although budget details are scarce, colleges and universities are wise to proceed with caution.
“‘Cuts are likely to be made in a lot of areas,’ said Clyde, who serves on the Ohio House subcommittee on higher education.
“(Colleges) are wise to be anticipating that and to develop a strategy moving forward.”
With Ohio Gov. John Kasich and state lawmakers looking at a potential budget deficit anywhere from $8 billion to $10 billion, it would behoove higher education administrators to take a pro-active approach and plan ahead for pending cuts.
Just as Gov. Kasich has said that now is not the time to raise taxes on struggling Ohioans, nor is it the time to raise college tuition on the working lower and middle income families who can least afford it.
Simply put, it’s time to cut spending in these multi-million-dollar budgets.
Rory Ryan is publisher and editor of The Highland County Press.
Gallagher is performing Saturday, Jan. 29, at the Flying Monkey in Plymouth, N.H. Otherwise, he’d most likely be a candidate for mayor of Hillsboro and be able to meet his obligatory filing deadline next week.
But on this day, there are watermelons to smash. (Smashing Pumpkins is an altogether different form of entertainment, I’m told.)
Way back in the 1980s, I paid Cash Money and sat with my date on plastic-covered seats at Cincinnati’s Music Hall to watch Gallagher take out his trademark Sledge-O-Matic – a long-handled wooden mallet – and bust watermelon seeds and juices into the audience members who were dumb enough to sit in the first seven rows of floor seats.
The only thing was, those people – who were covered in the not-so-sensual fragrance similar to Palmolive’s Juicy Melon Softsoap – seemed to be enjoying themselves. Go figure.
This leads one to believe that if Gallagher took his road show to Hillsboro and entered city politics, he’d be equally successful in bringing laughter and nonsense to the local cause.
I can almost envision the campaign, now: “Vote for the King of the Flying Monkey and Suspender-Wearing Worldy Whacker of Watermelons…GALLAGHER!
All hail GALLAGHER!
Once elected, his first meeting might even rival some of the city’s more humorous moments.
For instance, can’t you imagine the first public controversy over, say, a sign ordinance and fee proposal for those locally owned businesses still standing?
Council: “We need a new sign ordinance and a new fee for local business to pay.”
Mayor Gallagher: “Where’s my trademark Sledge-O-Matic long-handled wooden mallet?”
WHAM! (Small pieces of the smashed sign ordinance slowly cover council chambers. Here’s your sign.)
Mayor Gallagher: “Next order of business?”
Council: “Well, uh, about these surprise fire inspections…”
Mayor Gallagher: “Where’s my trademark Sledge-O-Matic long-handled wooden mallet?”
WHAM! (Small pieces of the smashed fire inspection ordinance slowly cover council chambers.)
Mayor Gallagher: “Next order of business?”
Council: “You know, Mr. Mayor, we really can’t make anymore budget cuts. Let’s face it, in 2010 more than half of our full-time employees were only paid $50,000 or more, while the rest of the county was near the top of the state in unemployment and the local household incomes were averaging about 30 grand a year.”
Mayor Gallagher: “Where’s my trademark Sledge-O-Matic long-handled wooden mallet?”
WHAM! (Small pieces of the budget slowly cover council chambers.)
Mayor Gallagher: “Next order of business?” ...
Of course, maybe Gallagher isn’t the best man – or the funniest – for the task. Besides, he’s apparently got a paying gig at the Flying Monkey in Plymouth, N.H. How cool is that?
Maybe the City of Hills should contact some other potential candidate with the wherewithal and good humor up to the challenge.
Maybe Sinbad could rescue the town and put a few coins in our pockets, too. (Jingle All the Way.)
If Andrew Dice Clay is still alive, maybe he could roll 7 the hard way for us without crapping out.
Didn’t Drew Carey lose his show? How busy could he or Pauly Shore be?
What about Dennis Miller? His tenure on Monday Night Football was shorter than Frank Caliendo. Then there’s Al Franken. He can’t be doing anything worthwhile these days. (Isn’t he in Congress, though?) Enough said.
If we can’t get them, Tim Allen and Bob Saget might make for a great mayor/safety service director tandem, now that their respective sitcom kids
are almost 50.
Then again, I’m probably so far off first base with my thinking that a comedian might really come in handy for city government that I may as well just steal second.
Last June, I had suggested in this column that a local comedian had some interest in the mayor’s office. But that column was rebutted a week later by the comedian who said then that he wasn’t interested in the job. But that was then. This week, the comedian began circulating his petition for signatures of registered Republicans living in the city of Hillsboro. You can’t make this stuff up. (And it’s good to know he’s still got a sense of humor, despite his recent entrance into the political fray.)
But let’s face it, what we really need to bring Hillsboro back to its glory days of 1976 or 1985 or, never mind, is a candidate who can Git ’er Done.
Doggone it, I’m just gonna say it: We don’t need Gallagher or Sinbad, we need Larry the Cable Guy.
* * *
OK. Enough, already. We’ve had our sarcasm fill for the day.
Seriously, not only will Hillsboro’s next mayor need a good sense of humor and humility (not unlike a newspaper publisher), he or she also will need to have a vested interest in the end result of his or her governmental actions.
In other words, Hillsboro’s next mayor ought to be directly impacted by public decisions as they relate to the private sector. Perhaps then – and only then – will the city have a mayor who fully understands the long-term impact of administrative actions on the private-sector business community.
With the partisan filing deadline for the 2011 mayor’s race only a few days away, local voters have three GOP candidates – Terry Mikkelsen, Drew Hastings and Rod Daniels – who have circulated petitions for the office.
The incumbent, Mayor Richard Zink, has stated he will not seek a third term.
Mayor Zink has given much to the city of his time and energy, probably more than many of us will ever know. While we have had a disagreement or two over the years, there’s no doubt that the mayor has acted in a manner he believes best for the city. And I respect him for that.
There’s been no lack of effort on his part, that’s for certain. But after eight years – four of which included one of the worst recessions in Ohio history – he’s earned the privilege of stepping away from the office.
In addition to the two GOP candidates, there’s a strong possibility that either a current or former Democratic member of city council will file for the mayor’s race.
One such possibility is former council member and retired bank executive John Levo. As of this writing on Wednesday morning, John has neither confirmed nor denied his possible candidacy.
He has, however, served the city well on council and would be an honorable and straightforward city administrator.
There’s also a possibility that current council members Peter Pence or Bonnie Parr may enter the campaign. We’ll see.
Voters will likely be seeing the candidates and reading about their respective plans for the city in the days and weeks leading up to the May 3 primary. Listen closely. Ask questions. Make an informed decision on who’s best prepared to lead the city for the next four years. And you might thank all of them for having the courage to run.
* * *
In a story this week by Timothy Magaw, writing for www.crainscleveland.com, comes news that some colleges are “set to wield scalpels” on their respective budgets.
“Cuyahoga Community College, the state’s oldest and largest community college, has taken steps to curb its personnel costs, which make up 80 percent of the college’s operating budget,” the report said.
Moreover, Ohio Rep. Kathleen Clyde, a Democrat whose district includes Kent State University, told Magaw that “although budget details are scarce, colleges and universities are wise to proceed with caution.
“‘Cuts are likely to be made in a lot of areas,’ said Clyde, who serves on the Ohio House subcommittee on higher education.
“(Colleges) are wise to be anticipating that and to develop a strategy moving forward.”
With Ohio Gov. John Kasich and state lawmakers looking at a potential budget deficit anywhere from $8 billion to $10 billion, it would behoove higher education administrators to take a pro-active approach and plan ahead for pending cuts.
Just as Gov. Kasich has said that now is not the time to raise taxes on struggling Ohioans, nor is it the time to raise college tuition on the working lower and middle income families who can least afford it.
Simply put, it’s time to cut spending in these multi-million-dollar budgets.
Rory Ryan is publisher and editor of The Highland County Press.
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