The Duke is dead, The Splinter is dead; and I don't feel so good myself
Lead Summary
By
Rory Ryan-hcpress@cinci.rr.com
That’s right. John Wayne is dead, even though he’s back in the news this week because his youngest son has decided to sell some of his father’s personal effects. (I’d love to have the Duke’s lever-action Winchester from “True Grit.”)
Ted Williams is dead, even though he’s back in the news on the 70th anniversary of his .406 batting average over the course of the 1941 American League season. There’s even talk of a movie on The Splendid Splinter’s life. Too bad John Wayne isn’t around to play the title role.
And, according to the good people at 325 Pennsylvania Avenue, S.E., Washington, D.C., I must be knock, knock, knockin’ on death’s door, too. Can’t wait to see the Duke and Teddy Ballgame!
This week’s mailbag included the following notice from 325 Pennsylvania Avenue, S.E., Washington, D.C.:
“Funeral Benefit Notice For Rory Ryan.”
It seemed too legit to toss in the burn pile. (Note to EPA: “Burn pile” is a colloquial phrase and not meant to be interpreted in the formal or literal sense. I meant to say “recycling pile.”)
The Washington processing center for such communications went on to inform me that the Social Security Administration only pays $255 toward funeral benefits. However…. “Approved programs are available to help pay additional expenses. If you qualify, these plans may pay 100 percent of all funeral expenses, up to $15,000.”
Woo-Flippin-Hoo.
They then give me four options below the heading of “Benefit Requested.”
I can opt for a paltry $2,000, a more accommodating $5,000, a gravedigger’s special of $10,000 or a rip-roaring Saints-Come-Marching-In New Orleans Brass Band Deluxe Funeral for $15,000.
For 15 grand, I think they throw in a couple of KFC buckets, a gallon of tater salad and a keg of beer for the bereaved (if there are any).
The letter then informs me there is “no cost or obligation” and demands my signature.
That’s when my Irish temper flared up.
Let’s review here.
• First of all, if this bureaucratic death squad has already determined my ultimate demise, how in the name of St. Christopher am I required to sign anything?
• In the second place, how can there be “no cost?” This Washington Ponzi scheme is offering a supposedly dead man up to $15,000 for his funeral and there’s “no cost?” No wonder Social Security is broke.
• And then there’s the part that says there’s “no obligation.” Really? Pardon me all to hell for saying so, but in order to collect this funeral benefit, someone (namely, me), has to die. I’d say that’s one helluvan obligation.
On the bright side, my Pacific Life Insurance policy notice arrived in the mail this week as well. I’m all paid up.
And to think I felt like a million bucks when I woke up this morning.
Maybe the news of my death has been a bit exaggerated by the government leeches in Washington. If not, at least I’ll get a chance to ask Ted Williams how to pull a curveball.
As the Duke often said in “The Searchers:” That’ll be the day.
* * *
As I was saying to an honorable public servant this week, someone, maybe it was Alexander Pope, once said: A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Lest we forget, last month, Hillsboro City Council voted unanimously to pass a resolution approving a 15-percent increase to sewerage rates over three years. The increase is effective now through 2013, as the city has a 20-year, $10 million loan to repay.
(Fortunately, some Washington folks have decided I’m already dead; so this is not my problem.)
Council members, however, must deal with this. After the announcement, they were promptly told they were full of something for increasing the sewerage rates.
Is it any wonder that relatively few people seek public office, particularly those offices where long hours and little-to-no compensation are the norm? Then, to top it off, for all your (mostly unpaid) efforts, you are subjected to public ridicule by someone who rarely – if ever – attends your public meetings and who must rely on the words of others for an occasional inspiration.
Hillsboro Mayor Dick Zink recently put the issue in perspective. He and I talked about it this week. We also talked about the city’s infrastructure issues back in 1995 when he ran for mayor and again in 2003 when he was elected mayor. And many times in between. Mayor Zink has been concerned about the crumbling sewerage system for many years.
So have members of city council. Like David Shoemaker. Dave has scheduled close to two dozen committee and town hall meetings on the issue. Most of these meetings were attended by the committee members, Mayor Zink, Safety and Service Director Ralph Holt and Brandy Chandler. Seriously. That was about it.
How many meetings did the critics attend? (I’d answer that, but I’m supposed to be dead.)
Of course, this is an election year. So, when roughly 40 people turned out at an Aug. 23 meeting on this decades-old topic, the rhetoric was not altogether surprising.
The Republican candidate for mayor, comedian Drew Hastings, blamed council for “blindly” following the Ohio Environmental Protection Agency. He called RCAP (Rural Community Assistance Partnership) an “arm of thug enforcement of the EPA,” in spite of the fact that RCAP has been praised by many Ohio communities for working to save local tax dollars.
Like Mr. Hastings, I am no fan of the EPA. But what’s a city council – and the next mayor – to do?
“We can fix it now, or pass it to the next generation. I know it hurts.” In a nutshell, these words from Hillsboro City Council member Rod Daniels summed up the city’s ongoing dilemma regarding wastewater sewerage infrastructure and the required funding thereof.
Another Republican, former Highland County Commissioner Russ Newman attended the Aug. 23 meeting. Mr. Newman, of course, knows a little bit about working with the Ohio EPA. (As I recall, the county also risked being fined by the agency during his time on the county commission.)
“RCAP is not the bad guy. They’ve worked with us,” Mr. Newman said, adding, “I said this years ago: If we raise our rates like we should, this town will dry up and blow away. Five percent may be reasonable, and you people may be happy that it’s just five percent.”
Think about it. These were words of caution from a Republican commissioner and well-respected party leader, who said the city is obligated to work within the mandates set forth by the EPA.
No kidding.
It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and pretend to know what play the quarterback has called in the huddle. Then, the moment the play fails, the sideline quarterback is all too quick with a better play.
Those in public office are not afforded such luxuries.
One of my favorite places in the country is the south Florida coastal areas that meet in Key West, Fla.
Key West has a reputation for beautiful sunsets, Trop-Rock music and a Conch Republic good time. It’s also home to – a crumbling sewerage system.
Just this week, the island nation’s newspaper, The Key West Citizen, published this comment regarding the city’s sewerage issues: “How many decades will the citizens of the Florida Keys defecate in the water and still wave the flag of ‘Earth Guardians’ and ‘True Environmentalists?’ Towns around the nation have and continue to fund their own local sewage systems. Stop looking for handouts. Hold your local political representatives accountable. They have been punting the political football for many terms heaping additional charges on you in the process.”
It’s about 1,400 miles from Hillsboro to Key West. But the respective cities – like many others – face similar problems.
Instead of condemning the Hillsboro City Council and city administrators, perhaps we ought to thank them for recognizing a serious problem and taking steps to fix it.
But what do I know? The pencil-pushers in Washington think I’m dead. Maybe it’s just a ploy to avoid paying the retiring “Boomers.”
Rory Ryan (still not dead) is publisher and editor of The Highland County Press.[[In-content Ad]]
Ted Williams is dead, even though he’s back in the news on the 70th anniversary of his .406 batting average over the course of the 1941 American League season. There’s even talk of a movie on The Splendid Splinter’s life. Too bad John Wayne isn’t around to play the title role.
And, according to the good people at 325 Pennsylvania Avenue, S.E., Washington, D.C., I must be knock, knock, knockin’ on death’s door, too. Can’t wait to see the Duke and Teddy Ballgame!
This week’s mailbag included the following notice from 325 Pennsylvania Avenue, S.E., Washington, D.C.:
“Funeral Benefit Notice For Rory Ryan.”
It seemed too legit to toss in the burn pile. (Note to EPA: “Burn pile” is a colloquial phrase and not meant to be interpreted in the formal or literal sense. I meant to say “recycling pile.”)
The Washington processing center for such communications went on to inform me that the Social Security Administration only pays $255 toward funeral benefits. However…. “Approved programs are available to help pay additional expenses. If you qualify, these plans may pay 100 percent of all funeral expenses, up to $15,000.”
Woo-Flippin-Hoo.
They then give me four options below the heading of “Benefit Requested.”
I can opt for a paltry $2,000, a more accommodating $5,000, a gravedigger’s special of $10,000 or a rip-roaring Saints-Come-Marching-In New Orleans Brass Band Deluxe Funeral for $15,000.
For 15 grand, I think they throw in a couple of KFC buckets, a gallon of tater salad and a keg of beer for the bereaved (if there are any).
The letter then informs me there is “no cost or obligation” and demands my signature.
That’s when my Irish temper flared up.
Let’s review here.
• First of all, if this bureaucratic death squad has already determined my ultimate demise, how in the name of St. Christopher am I required to sign anything?
• In the second place, how can there be “no cost?” This Washington Ponzi scheme is offering a supposedly dead man up to $15,000 for his funeral and there’s “no cost?” No wonder Social Security is broke.
• And then there’s the part that says there’s “no obligation.” Really? Pardon me all to hell for saying so, but in order to collect this funeral benefit, someone (namely, me), has to die. I’d say that’s one helluvan obligation.
On the bright side, my Pacific Life Insurance policy notice arrived in the mail this week as well. I’m all paid up.
And to think I felt like a million bucks when I woke up this morning.
Maybe the news of my death has been a bit exaggerated by the government leeches in Washington. If not, at least I’ll get a chance to ask Ted Williams how to pull a curveball.
As the Duke often said in “The Searchers:” That’ll be the day.
* * *
As I was saying to an honorable public servant this week, someone, maybe it was Alexander Pope, once said: A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Lest we forget, last month, Hillsboro City Council voted unanimously to pass a resolution approving a 15-percent increase to sewerage rates over three years. The increase is effective now through 2013, as the city has a 20-year, $10 million loan to repay.
(Fortunately, some Washington folks have decided I’m already dead; so this is not my problem.)
Council members, however, must deal with this. After the announcement, they were promptly told they were full of something for increasing the sewerage rates.
Is it any wonder that relatively few people seek public office, particularly those offices where long hours and little-to-no compensation are the norm? Then, to top it off, for all your (mostly unpaid) efforts, you are subjected to public ridicule by someone who rarely – if ever – attends your public meetings and who must rely on the words of others for an occasional inspiration.
Hillsboro Mayor Dick Zink recently put the issue in perspective. He and I talked about it this week. We also talked about the city’s infrastructure issues back in 1995 when he ran for mayor and again in 2003 when he was elected mayor. And many times in between. Mayor Zink has been concerned about the crumbling sewerage system for many years.
So have members of city council. Like David Shoemaker. Dave has scheduled close to two dozen committee and town hall meetings on the issue. Most of these meetings were attended by the committee members, Mayor Zink, Safety and Service Director Ralph Holt and Brandy Chandler. Seriously. That was about it.
How many meetings did the critics attend? (I’d answer that, but I’m supposed to be dead.)
Of course, this is an election year. So, when roughly 40 people turned out at an Aug. 23 meeting on this decades-old topic, the rhetoric was not altogether surprising.
The Republican candidate for mayor, comedian Drew Hastings, blamed council for “blindly” following the Ohio Environmental Protection Agency. He called RCAP (Rural Community Assistance Partnership) an “arm of thug enforcement of the EPA,” in spite of the fact that RCAP has been praised by many Ohio communities for working to save local tax dollars.
Like Mr. Hastings, I am no fan of the EPA. But what’s a city council – and the next mayor – to do?
“We can fix it now, or pass it to the next generation. I know it hurts.” In a nutshell, these words from Hillsboro City Council member Rod Daniels summed up the city’s ongoing dilemma regarding wastewater sewerage infrastructure and the required funding thereof.
Another Republican, former Highland County Commissioner Russ Newman attended the Aug. 23 meeting. Mr. Newman, of course, knows a little bit about working with the Ohio EPA. (As I recall, the county also risked being fined by the agency during his time on the county commission.)
“RCAP is not the bad guy. They’ve worked with us,” Mr. Newman said, adding, “I said this years ago: If we raise our rates like we should, this town will dry up and blow away. Five percent may be reasonable, and you people may be happy that it’s just five percent.”
Think about it. These were words of caution from a Republican commissioner and well-respected party leader, who said the city is obligated to work within the mandates set forth by the EPA.
No kidding.
It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and pretend to know what play the quarterback has called in the huddle. Then, the moment the play fails, the sideline quarterback is all too quick with a better play.
Those in public office are not afforded such luxuries.
One of my favorite places in the country is the south Florida coastal areas that meet in Key West, Fla.
Key West has a reputation for beautiful sunsets, Trop-Rock music and a Conch Republic good time. It’s also home to – a crumbling sewerage system.
Just this week, the island nation’s newspaper, The Key West Citizen, published this comment regarding the city’s sewerage issues: “How many decades will the citizens of the Florida Keys defecate in the water and still wave the flag of ‘Earth Guardians’ and ‘True Environmentalists?’ Towns around the nation have and continue to fund their own local sewage systems. Stop looking for handouts. Hold your local political representatives accountable. They have been punting the political football for many terms heaping additional charges on you in the process.”
It’s about 1,400 miles from Hillsboro to Key West. But the respective cities – like many others – face similar problems.
Instead of condemning the Hillsboro City Council and city administrators, perhaps we ought to thank them for recognizing a serious problem and taking steps to fix it.
But what do I know? The pencil-pushers in Washington think I’m dead. Maybe it’s just a ploy to avoid paying the retiring “Boomers.”
Rory Ryan (still not dead) is publisher and editor of The Highland County Press.[[In-content Ad]]